So, it's been a while...I find I like the idea of blogging, but the reality of blogging is that I struggle to find the words to express what it is that is going around in my head. I thought that I'd give it another go. See if I can find the words to express the thoughts. And whilst my blog is mainly about my creations, sometimes there are other thoughts and words that find their way to an entry as well. This is one such post....
On the 3rd January this year, I did something that was for me a brave thing to do. I joined Slimming World. 6 months and 4 stone lighter, I find that something strange is happening. People are beginning to see me. Now that I am smaller, I am somehow more visible.
The weekend just gone, I went shopping with Ma. We were on holiday in Sidmouth and we paid a visit to my favorite shop. I tried on the entire shop (at least that's what it felt like). I have dropped 3 dress sizes and suddenly I have choice. I don't have to wear clothes just because they are the only ones that fit. As I hopped in and out of the fitting room, doing a twirl for Ma, I heard the shop assistant say to Ma: 'She looks good in everything she comes out in'. I stood in the fitting room and cried. The sales assistant was just doing her job, she was seeing me. Seeing me in a way that I've perhaps not seen myself for a while. A colleague at work said to me a few days ago, 'Do you see what we see?'. I said I don't know, I just see me. I know who I am, and that person hasn't changed, she has just gotten smaller.
At spinning this evening, two separate women, who I don't know came up to me and said how great I looked. I thanked them and then found myself tearing up again.
No one told me that loosing weight would be this emotional.
The thing is, I am also a bit sad. Sad about a society that places such importance on image. I always thought I was beautiful. I am made in God's image as are you. By definition we are all beautiful and marvelously created. Society didn't see me when I was bigger, we can use the word fat if you like.
My reasons for joining slimming world and acknowledging I needed to make some changes are as unique to me finger prints. We all embark upon journeys of self discovery for a variety of reasons. Maybe one day I'll find the words to write about that too.
I'm 2/3rds of the way to my target, a weight that will put me slap bang in the middle of the government guidelines for a person of my height. Every journey begins by taking the first step or making a change.
