40 before 40 - 12 months on

12 months ago my 40 before 40 list was conceived.  It came about because well, 40 is 40 and it felt like a big number and life just didn’t look like I thought it would.  With a month left before I turn the big 40 it seems like the ideal time to review and reflect.  It has been an interesting year, not least because in October last year I came home from holiday with Glandular fever which knocked the stuffing out of me until the spring.  It is only in the last few weeks that I have started to feel like my normal self again.  I was very conscious that my list should not become a list of successes or failures, but an opportunity to enjoy life and that is just what I have been doing.

 

The first challenge I set myself was to achieve and maintain my target weight.  6 stone lighter and 4 dress sizes smaller this was achieved in October last year.  Admittedly the GF helped me shift the last bit…my relationship with food has always been a challenge.  I don’t have a stop valve and so one of the decisions I made was to be a person who doesn’t eat chocolate.  I have other treats in life, but chocolate was an Achilles heel for me and so I decided it was easier for me to do without rather than have a little bit.  Once I decided that I wanted to lose the wright, doing so was actually not that difficult. The biggest challenge was learning to recognise that the person looking back at me the mirror was in fact me.

 

One of the focuses of my 40 before 40 list was slowing down and taking time for me.  I spend a lot of time in my life doing for others, so in this vein I knitted a jumper for me, I have spent more time reading, spend time walking and I listened to an audio version of the bible from beginning to end.  Now I realise this last challenge may not be everyone’s cup of tea but for me it was an interesting spiritual journey. 

 

Another focus of my 40 before 40 list was to challenge myself to do things I didn’t think I  could do.  So I have been paddle boarding and sea kayaking.  I have learnt to hula-hoop and started doing Pilates.  Seizing the day was another focus of my list and I have taken every opportunity I can to swim in the sea.

Traveling was also included on my list and although the GF meant that I didn’t make it to New York, I did travel to Stockholm with my sisters and we had a lovely pre 40th birthday weekend away together. 

 

Recognising when I need help, learning to ask for the help and accept offers of help was on my list, together with choosing Joy also featured.  Dating came in at number 27 on the list and now I have Rob in my life.  A truly wonderful human who I love very much.

 

Some of the early entries on the 40 before 40 list were removed.  For instance, I decided that my loom was a source of guilt and so I sold it.  I recognised that I am just not a runner so why run 5km. 

 

I have learnt this year to rejoice in the person that I am, to step outside my comfort zone from time to time, that it’s okay to say no sometimes but to also embrace saying yes.  So whilst I have not done all the things on my list, indeed there are still some slots to fill, I have refocused and am enjoying living.

Fitness or Fatness

Fitness or fatness - This was the title of today's 'Choose Life's reading. The reading was about our bodies being temples with which we honour God. If we are to honour Him fully we should give ourselves the best opportunity to do this by being fit and healthy.

So today was the day of reckoning, it was the first weigh in after the excesses of Christmas. I had put on...but not as much as I feared I might have done.

My moment of choosing fitness started this time last year and as we move into 2018 my challenge is to maintain my weight loss but also to improve my fitness.

In October last year I was unfortunate enough to land up with Glandulafever...its taken it's toll and I'm still not 100%. As well as stripping me of energy, it's also stripped my core strength so as we move into 2018 I am working hard to build this up again, whilst being mindful that I can only use my energy once.

Today's reading also resonated with something I jotted down in the last few days, I think it was from Call The Midwife...

'The hands of the almighty are so often to be found at the end of our own arms'

It's all about how we use our lives to glorify God.

The turn of the year 2017 becomes 2018

And at the tick of the clock 2017 ends and 2018 begins. A New Year full of hopes and potential. A clean slate...a new beginning.  And yet I believe that every day provides this opportunity to start again.

My 40 before 40 list was conceived to enable celebration of achievements. 40 feels like a milestone by which I had hoped for certain things in life to have happened. Life is different to that which I had hoped for.  It's not bad different just different. I trust however that there is a master plan that in the fullness of time that plan will unfold and the pieces will fall into place. I put my trust in God and hold fast to him knowing me before I was even concieved.

One of my 40 before 40 challenges was to read or listen to the bible in whole. This challenge was completed yesterday. I put it on the list because it was something I had never done. There are bits of the bible which quite frankly were a little tedious there were other parts however that were inspiring and encouraging. I have a new heroine to stand alongside Ruth. Esther was a woman of valour and one for whom I have a lot of respect.

As the new year begins there are still some gaps on the 40 before 40 list that are waiting to be filled. Having read the bible I shall this year be seeking to 'Choose Life' and shall be reading Simon Guillebaud's 365 readings for radical disciples.

40 Before 40

40....its just a number no different to any other number and until this year it didn't. With the big 40 looming on the horizon it has become significant...it's a line in the sand...a bit like new year....when one can review life. There are things I hoped would have happened by the time I was 40. I hoped to be married, I hoped to have children. These things haven't happened. My colleague the lovely Andy, suggested that I make a list of 40 things to do before I'm 40. This list would provide a focus and a cause for (additional) celebration on my 40th Birthday.  The list is coming together and some of the things on it are being ticked off. Life is good it's all about perspective.

Slimming World

So, it's been a while...I find I like the idea of blogging, but the reality of blogging is that I struggle to find the words to express what it is that is going around in my head.  I thought that I'd give it another go.  See if I can find the words to express the thoughts.  And whilst my blog is mainly about my creations, sometimes there are other thoughts and words that find their way to an entry as well.  This is one such post....

On the 3rd January this year, I did something that was for me a brave thing to do.  I joined Slimming World.  6 months and 4 stone lighter, I find that something strange is happening.  People are beginning to see me.   Now that I am smaller, I am somehow more visible.  

The weekend just gone, I went shopping with Ma.  We were on holiday in Sidmouth and we paid a visit to my favorite shop.  I tried on the entire shop (at least that's what it felt like).  I have dropped 3 dress sizes and suddenly I have choice.  I don't have to wear clothes just because they are the only ones that fit.  As I hopped in and out of the fitting room, doing a twirl for Ma, I heard the shop assistant say to Ma: 'She looks good in everything she comes out in'.  I stood in the fitting room and cried.  The sales assistant was just doing her job, she was seeing me.  Seeing me in a way that I've perhaps not seen myself for a while.   A colleague at work said to me a few days ago, 'Do you see what we see?'.  I said I don't know, I just see me.  I know who I am, and that person hasn't changed, she has just gotten smaller.  

At spinning this evening, two separate women, who I don't know came up to me and said how great I looked.  I thanked them and then found myself tearing up again.  

No one told me that loosing weight would be this emotional.  

The thing is, I am also a bit sad.  Sad about a society that places such importance on image.  I always thought I was beautiful.  I am made in God's image as are you.  By definition we are all beautiful and marvelously created.  Society didn't see me when I was bigger, we can use the word fat if you like.    

My reasons for joining slimming world and acknowledging I needed to make some changes are as unique to me finger prints.  We all embark upon journeys of self discovery for a variety of reasons. Maybe one day I'll find the words to write about that too.  

I'm 2/3rds of the way to my target, a weight that will put me slap bang in the middle of the government guidelines for a person of my height.  Every journey begins by taking the first step or making a change.

A blanket for my niece

My Niece was born in April! I've been slow to blog this blanket.  I crocheted this in the car on the way to Cornwall, and on the way home from Cornwall.  In fact every moment we spent in the car was an opportunity to work on  Olive's Star.  Of course I didn't know she was going to be Olive when I was working on it!  Every stitch is a prayer to protect and surround her.  She is a joy and a delight, I didn't know it was possible to love as much as I do.  She is the best.  Since this blanket there have been 3 more stars, a pink star for Audrey, a purple star for Tabitha and a Multi-coloured star for Jemima!

Anxiety and knitting

There are days when I feel anxious. Sometimes the anxiety is about a particular thing or event, on other days it is very non specific anxiety.  One of the ways I know I'm feeling anxious is when I am planning knitting projects, selecting yarns and pulling pattern books from the shelves.  It's a strange thing because if I were to pick up a project in progress and focus on that the anxiety would dissipate rather than build as I plan more and more elaborate projects.