Forgiveness

Last night I went to see Philomena at the cinema in Lyme Regis. It was a moving film which had a profound affect, I'll say no more than that other than this. The most powerful line of the film was: 'Sister Hildegard, I forgive you.' Philomena was a true woman of valour.

'I forgive you', three small words that so many of us find hard to say and even harder to mean. Jesus taught again and again about forgiveness. The  whole Christian story is after all one about forgiveness and about Grace.  'Father forgiven them they know not what they do'. Jesus was sharing his message of forgiveness right to the very end.

I find forgiveness hard. There are the little petty hurts, which should really be forgotten and forgiven in a heart beat, and indeed many them are because LOVE wins. There is nothing that can't be forgiven when you truly love someone. So my family, my friends I will forgive again and again and I pray that they will forgive me to.

The bigger hurts, they are more challenging to forgive, they are easier to hold onto because they cut deeper. With these hurts I often feel a sense of disappointment that the situation arose in the first instance. They often involve anger that I don't know how to direct and a fear that if I forgive will it happen all over again.  More often than not it is a hurt caused by words harshly spoken occasionally a hurt of actions.  And yet holding onto the hurt is more damaging than risking forgiveness. Yes the hurt may at some point be re lived, but to forgive is too grow and to move forward.

Forgiveness is a very active thing. It is not a set of meaningless words it is an action too. God in his Son Jesus, died on the cross to forgive us, me, my sins. Through his Grace I am forgiven again and again. He loves me as much if not more than i love my family and friends.

This evening watching the Royal British Legion Festival of Rememberance, a little girl was re United with her father who has been serving over seas. In front of 8000 people she ran to her father's arms knowing she was loved just as she was.

It's hard somethings to understand that God is there with his arms wide open for me, to run to him and to receive his forgiveness.  It's hard actually to believe I am that loveable, when I'm cranky and horrible to the people who love me most, when I am in need of so much from them and have very little I feel able to give to them. When you don't really like the way you are, or love the person are it's hard to accept their love.  Yet they like God keep giving because living a life of love is living a life of forgiveness. 

Perhaps the hardest person for me  to forgive is myself, and perhaps that is because I don't really know me right now. Somewhere I'm there, but I'm feeling lost, confused and uncertain, wondering what God had planned for me and when the future unfolds in front of me, will I know which party to take?